Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Premarital counseling, to do or not to do?

Premarital Counseling

Yikes!!?! I bet when some people read that, they were thrown off by it. I know some people don't see the point of pre-martial counseling when there aren't any major issues in their relationship. Others rather wait to get married and then do marital counseling if any problems should arise. 

Arguments for Premarital Counseling

If you just look around, there are plenty of divorced, separated and unhappy married folks. I'm not saying this is because they never took premarital counseling. But, my point is that everyone is bound to run into trouble in their marriage eventually. Premarital counseling is a great way to discuss very openly and transparently with your fiance all your expectations!

This sounds so dumb and simple, doesn't it? I'm sure a lot of you might skip over this part. But, really think about it! What are your expectations for your husband? Do you expect him to not go out as much? How do you expect to spend the holidays? At your family's house, or his family's house or both? Do you both want to have children? If so, when do you expect to get pregnant? Soon, well what is "soon"? 

Obviously, it would be extremely difficult to discuss every possible expectation, but it's important to openly share what your most important expectations are. They could range from religious views, church or no church attendance, how to raise kids, what area of town you want to live in and so forth. 

What about money expectations?? Ouch... that's a touchy one. What if you or your spouse wants to keep separate bank accounts? Will you be offended? Or, would you try to convince yourself that you'll just get over it? I mean c'mon people, let's get real here and open up about what's important to you. Why not?? This is the rest of your life we're talking about! 

By openly talking about each other's expectations, you should be able to avoid some major surprises later on that might have made you run the other way to begin with! Small but important example, what if one spouse expects to live in another country after a few years to live closer to their family? 

Arguments Against Premarital Counseling

Premarital counseling may serve some purpose, but overall, it's a waste of time. If a couple is already engaged, the two probably already know each other really well and trust each other. They should be able to talk about things on their own and deal with problems as they come up. Attending premarital counseling is like putting on a band-aid before any injuries have occurred. It's pretty pointless.  Marital counseling can be important if problems arise. But, as for premarital counseling, there really is no major point. 

Especially when planning for a wedding, a couple already has a lot of other things to pay for. Premarital counseling is another "it-would-be-nice" option, but is definitely not a necessity. Couples on a budget, can afford to pass on premarital counseling. There are plenty of other couples who have done just fine. 

Facts

Honestly, I don't have any stats to cite at you, but I know that divorce is prevalent in many countries, not just the U.S. That's an undisputed fact. 

I can't speak or think for you, but all I can advise you is that marriage is very serious. If you really have no desires to get a divorce. Have the mindset that "divorce is NOT an option." If you and your fiance can agree to have this perspective prior to the wedding day, it should make a huge difference. 

Furthermore, I really believe in accountability. Be surrounded by family and friends who really care for you and your relationship. If you don't want to get divorced, tell your family and friends to make sure that doesn't happen. More often than not, there will be those "girlfriends" of family members who encourage you to leave whenever you share anything semi-bad about your guy. Be careful who you let influence you. 

At the end of the day, it's your life, your marriage and possibly your divorce. I know, that's not very nice to say. But, it's true. So, of course you can skip out, save money and time and not see a premarital counselor. However, if you want to ensure that you and your fiance are on the same page and are headed the same direction, what does it hurt to go and speak with a counselor to discuss all your expectations?

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS??? COMMENT BELOW. 

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Free Wedding Websites

Which is the best free wedding website? 


After spending hours trying to find the best free wedding website, I'd say hands down, I'd go with www.weddingwire.com. They have lots of designs to choose from, unlike www.wix.com. There's also The Knot, www.theknot.com/pl_webpage.html.

How long does it take to create a wedding website? 


OMG! It takes several hours, unless you're going to write one or two sentences for each section of the page. Maybe I'm somewhat of a perfectionist, but I spent several hours revising and writing on my website. So, be sure to allot some time just for your wedding website.

Helpful tips on making the website personal, fun and nice


My fiance came up with the brilliant idea of having the "About Us" page set up as a question and answer. We bolded the questions like "How did you two meet" and then we answered the questions. I think it's important to make your website an easy read, since most people will probably be bored reading long paragraphs. Plus, in our answers, we were able to make it fun.

I'd also recommend trying to match your website design with the theme of your wedding. If you're going to have a fun bright colored wedding, try choosing a design that incorporates some of those same ideas and colors.

To make the website look that much nicer, try adding your engagement photos!

How to share your wedding website


Most of the time, people will write the website on the wedding invitations. Another fun idea is creating a group page on Facebook with the people who are invited to your wedding. Then in that group page you can post your personal wedding website page.

Create password for your website


If you're like me, you like to keep things private. Remember, you can add a password to your website so that only the invited guests can have access to it. Just be sure to share the password with your guests whether on your invitation or in your group page.

Wedding Contracts

Do I need an attorney to review my contracts?


If you're really concerned with being taken advantage of, you can always have an attorney review your contracts for you. But, you can also have a wedding coordinator review your contracts for you as well. Another option is just reading through the contract very carefully and asking your vendors what the terms mean.

Can I revise the contracts?


Keep in mind that the contracts you're given to sign are all written to protect the vendor and not you! So, read the contracts carefully and feel free to remove or revise some of the language in the contract.

There were some language in my contract with the Hilton that I took out and even changed. For example, there was one line in the contract that stated something along the lines that if the Ballroom wasn't available for whatever reason that the hotel could move us to another place. What? Really, with no warning or asking us first? So, I included language in there that said "upon the Group's approval."

Some vendors/venues will not change their contracts


Since the contracts favor the other parties, sometimes you'll run into very difficult vendors and venues. They might give you a run around about how they have to get the revisions approved by the legal department. Ohh poohy! Then just wait for the approval! Honestly, it's always best to be prepared for what could happen in the worst case scenario because you just NEVER know!

Extra pages in the contract


I received one contract that had an additional page, but in the main contract there was no mention of the extra page. So, I had the hotel manager include in the main contract "Addendum 1 is part of this agreement", and wrote on the extra page "Addendum 1."

In the worst case scenario, the hotel or your vendors may later on say that there were no additional pages that were included in the contract. Just make sure it's crystal clear exactly what is all incorporated in the contract.

Need more time to review?


Hey, if you need more time to review the agreement, then take your time! Never feel rushed to sign anything! If you do, you'll probably end of regretting it! Just kindly tell your vendors or venues that you need more time to review. But, the smart sales people will try to pressure you and say that they need a deposit asap.

You can try sending in your deposit first, and then sending in your agreement afterward. Just be sure what the refund policy is on deposits.



Should I hire a personal trainer?

Should I hire a personal trainer? 


Unless you're extremely motivated and can push yourself to lose weight on your own, I'd highly recommend hiring a personal trainer, if you can afford it.

Luckily, I have a close friend who is a personal trainer. And because he wanted to help me out, he offered me a great price for his hourly sessions. So far I've been working out with him for a little over a month, and I am already getting results. I'm starting to firm up all around! :)

To get best results


The key to getting into shape is incorporating weights at least twice a week! For example, on Mondays, my trainer and I work on upper body weight training. On Wednesday, we work on the lower body. The rest of the week, I try to get in as much cardio as possible. Another key point in trying to get great results is really PUSHING yourself in whatever type of workout you do! If you moderately walk around the block, it's better than nothing. But, when you begin to push yourself, you'll burn more calories!

Is hiring a trainer really worth it? 


It's completely up to you whether or not you think it's worth it. But, as for me, I've never been the always thin girl that grew up thin and remained thin all of my life! If I don't watch what I eat, I can gain weight rather easily. I also LOOOOOVE to eat! Knowing that I'm not in the best shape of my life, I just don't want any regrets looking back at my wedding photos. Plus, when you feel uncomfortable in your dress, it's going to show! Just think about your first dance and having your arms around your husband's neck! Are you picturing what I'm picturing??? Flabby arms?? haha, well I don't want that nor do I want to think that! And, that's why I think it's totally worth it to hire a trainer if you can afford it.

Another option is getting a gym membership, but again, most people don't push themselves. So, be sure to push yourself and keeping saying "pictures!"

Is a Wedding Coordinator necessary?

I haven't had my wedding yet, but from what I've heard, a wedding coordinator is highly recommended. The reason is because when your vendors get to the ceremony or reception site, who are they going to check in with? When your guests have questions during your wedding, who will they turn to? Who is going to ensure that everything is running smoothly?

If you shop around, you'll see that on average, wedding coordinators seem to charge about $1,000.00 for a week of or month of wedding coordination. I wasn't willing to spend that much, so I continued my search. 

Bridal Bazaar

When I went to the San Diego Bridal Bazaar, I met a few wedding coordinators. Some of their prices seemed reasonable, more in the $500-$700 range. The cool thing is that most of them handed out discount flyers, so I'd highly recommend checking out your local bridal bazaar. 

Sign-up with Wedding Channel 

I don't even remember signing up for Wedding Channel, but I'd highly recommend it. Go to their site at www.weddingchannel.com. Every so often I receive discounted deals for all kinds of services. The other day there was some kind of promotion for a string trio and today I received a huge deal on a wedding coordinator. 

My only issue with the wedding channel deals is that I'm not sure if I can completely trust the vendors advertised on the website. I guess I'm being judgmental, but for some reason I think that if the vendors are advertising on Wedding Channel it's probably because they're inexperienced. 

So what do you do? 

I contacted the wedding coordinator that was advertised, and I asked the lady for some references. I still am not sure that I can fully trust her considering her website had little information on her company. The lesson I think here, is trust your instincts! I did speak with a couple references via e-mail, but I still don't feel completely comfortable in hiring the company. And, this is what I think you should do too! Don't make any irrational decision. DO YOUR HOMEWORK!

Ways to save money on Wedding Coordinator


If you know of any brides/friends who recently hired a wedding coordinator, ask your friend for the coordinator's contact information. I find that when you tell the coordinator that you're good friends with so and so, it's much easier to get better rates. 


San Diego Wedding Venues

Del Mar

  1. Del Mar Fairgrounds, www.delmarfairgrounds.com/index.php?fuseaction=facilities.weddings_parties
  2. Del Mar Hilton, www1.hilton.com/en_US/hi/hotel/SANDMHF-Hilton-San-Diego-Del-Mar-California/index.do
  3. Grand Del Mar, www.thegranddelmar.com/san-diego-resort-wedding
  4. Hilton Garden Inn, www.sandiegodelmar.stayhgi.com/
  5. L'Auberge Del Mar, www.laubergedelmar.com/san-diego-wedding-receptions.php
  6. Morgan Run Club & Resort, www.clubcorp.com/Clubs/Morgan-Run-Club-Resort/Weddings-Events/Weddings
  7. Powerhouse Community Center, www.delmar.ca.us/visitors/Pages/PowerhousePermitInformation.aspx
  8. Rancho Valencia, www.ranchovalencia.com



Downtown San Diego 

  1. Abbey on Fifth Avenue, www.abbeyweddings.com
  2. Anthology, www.anthologysd.com/private-events-wedding.html
  3. Bristol Hotel, greystonehotels.com
  4. Doubletree San Diego Downtown Hotel, http://doubletree1.hilton.com/en_US/dt/hotel/SANDWDT-DoubleTree-by-Hilton-Hotel-San-Diego-Downtown-California/index.do
  5. El Cortez Don Room, www.donroom.com
  6. Hardrock Hotel, www.hardrockhotelsd.com/weddings/
  7. Hilton San Diego Bayfront, www.hiltonsandiegobayfront.com
  8. Holiday Inn San Diego-downtown, www.hisandiegodowntown.co
  9. Omni Hotel, www.omnihotels.com
  10. Se hotel, www.sesandiego.com
  11. Sheraton Suits San Diego at Symphony Hall, www.starwoodhotels.com/sheraton/property/overview/index.html?propertyID=2003
  12. Sofia Hotel, www.TheSofiaHotel.com
  13. W San Diego, www.thewsandiegohotel.com/
  14. Westgate Hotel, www.westgatehotel.com
  15. Westin San Diego, www.starwoodhotels.com/westin/property/overview/index.html?propertyID=1762&EM=VTY_WI_sandiego_1762_overview
  16. University Club Atop Symphony Towers, www.uc-sandiego.com



East County 


More to follow...



How to save money overall

Here's a few tips on how to save some money overall 

  1. Make your own wedding invitations or order them online from places like Vistaprint.com, Zazzle.com
  2. Reduce your guest list 
  3. Have an extended cocktail hour and skip dinner 
  4. Have your wedding during the off-season months
  5. Have a destination wedding 
  6. Host your reception at a local restaurant 
  7. Have your reception at the church or temple right after your ceremony
  8. Have wedding sponsors where you ask a few couples to sponsor (financially support) your wedding 
  9. Have the reception at a local park or beach 
  10. Have your family be a part of the entertainment during the reception or ceremony (singing, dancing etc)
  11. Have your bridesmaids pick out their own different dresses (just make sure they are the same color scheme) 
  12. Go casual (one bride I know of had dinner at In&Out afterward)
  13. Have your wedding on a cruise ship
  14. Buy a fancy white dress that could pass as a wedding dress 
  15. Make your own decorations with family and friends
  16. Make your own floral arrangements (check out youtube.com)

How to save money on your wedding dress

Buy a gently preowned dress


Okay, if you're really not into buying a used dress, then skip this paragraph and read below. But, if you are open to buying used, I would check out your local craigslist and search there. I would recommend craigslist over ebay just because you can go and try on the dress before you buy it! Plus, you can probably bargain more if you're in person with the seller.

Dresses on average probably run about $1,000.00! I know, it's ridiculous isn't it!? Or is it? Haha, anyway, if you really want to save money, then consider buying a gently preowned dress!

Go to the bridal bazaar


More than likely, you should be able to find a local bridal bazaar near where you live. Try google searching bridal bazaar and your city. I found going to bridal bazaars to be helpful because most of the time the shops that exhibit there will pass out discount cards.

Shop at the mom & pop shops


I went to a local mom and pop shop and tried on a few dresses. There was one that they said was on sale. However, the color isn't your typical white or ivory, but it's more of an antique creme color. Hard to explain, but my point is that I asked for a big discount and they accepted! The Maggie Sottero dress had a price tag of $1,069.00, and I was able to take it home for $550.00!

How did I bargain?


At first I was kidding around and I asked for a 50% discount. The reason I asked for that amount is that I knew the dress couldn't be worn as a summer or spring dress. Considering that most of the brides have already bought their dress for this fall 2011, I knew they probably couldn't sell the dress until next fall! When I asked for 50%, the sales girl helping us asked her boss. And, they said yes! Then, I ran to the bank and came back with some cash. I asked them to not charge tax and they didn't.

*Cash has power!


Sign-up online with bridal stores


Sign up with the different bridal stores online like David's Bridal and Alfred Angelo. Most of the time, they'll send you some coupons to your e-mail. Also, try signing up for their free bridesmaid and wedding dress giveaways! You just never know!

How to find good vendors

Geez... finding a good vendor seemed to be tricky for me. I went to the San Diego Bridal Bazaar, but how am I supposed to know whether or not a vendor is really good. Especially, the DJ's! They all had their booth setup with some DJ equipment and some cool lighting, but are they going to work the crowd? Do they know how to emcee? Are they going to crack corny jokes?

Ask your married or engaged friends


I personally think the best way to find great vendors is asking your friends who are currently planning their wedding or who recently got married. More than likely if you're in the season of getting married, you should have at least some friends who can tell you who they used for their wedding. Plus, your friends can tell you what they liked and disliked about their vendors.

Check out yelp or other review sites


These days there are plenty of review sites, where you can get some good feedback on local vendors. I particularly like yelp and find the reviews to be pretty helpful. But, sometimes on yelp, there aren't that many reviews for the wedding vendors, so just ask the vendors directly if they have a list of references!

Meet with the vendors


Maybe not everyone are good people readers, but I think it's extremely helpful meeting the vendors in person. You can get a feel for how they are and if you can get along with them. Even in my own wedding planning process, I find that TRUST is huge! If I don't feel like I can trust that person, I won't even bother giving a dime of my hard earned money! Or should I say, my parents hard earned money! Haha

Ask your venues or other vendors


If you've already booked your venue and some other vendors, try asking them for a list of referrals for other vendors. For example, I asked my photographer if he knew of any videographers, and he said he did. So, use your resources.

*Sometimes, some vendors will actually give you additional discounts if you used their preferred vendor list.

How to bargain with your wedding venues

Wanna save mula? 


If you really want to save some mula on your wedding day, you really can't be shy or embarassed about asking for discounts! I just wanted to start off by saying that just because I find that in our American culture, we generally don't try to bargain. At the end of the day, who cares!? Are you really going to see or know that person again? Probably not. Plus, it's nothing personal, just business :)


Is your reception going to be at a church? 


Generally, if you call your local church, they will already have a set price for their wedding ceremony fee. Be sure to ask what exactly is included in their price. For example, my wedding is going to be held at a church which includes a bridal changing room, pastor, organist, and coordinator.

How to bargain with the church


After you know exactly what services the church will provide, you can sit down with your fiance and figure out what services you don't want or need. My fiance and I decided to have his own church pastor officiate the wedding. So, when I told the church we would provide our own pastor, they said they could knock off $100.00. My fiance and I are still in the process of considering whether we want an organist to play during the ceremony just because we really don't like the sound of an organ. Once we know for sure whether we want an their organist, I plan to call the church to ask if they can give us another discount since we won't be needing their organist.

Another way to get more bang for your buck is asking the church to include more services such as an usher. Be creative and try to think of other ways to get more value for your money.

Is your reception going to be at a hotel? 


When I first started to call around the different venues for a wedding reception, I was seriously discouraged and annoyed. Anytime I mentioned the word "wedding", it seemed like their prices would skyrocket! I read online somewhere that we should try to avoid telling the venues that it's for a wedding, but I just thought this was nearly impossible to do.

I had no intentions of calling a local hotel only because I know hotels can charge a lot for everything! But, for some reason, I decided to call a local Hilton hotel. At first they said I had to spend a food and beverage (F&B) minimum of $8,000.00. But, I was able to work my way down all the way to $6,500.00!!

What is Food & Beverage Minimum


What some hotels will do is they will have you spend a minimum food and beverage amount instead of charging you a separate room rental fee. For example, the hotel won't charge you a specific amount to rent the place, but you will have to spend a certain amount by ordering foods and drinks directly from the hotel.

How to bargain with the hotel

  1. Make sure you're talking with the manager or someone who can make the final decision
  2. Ask the hotel to upgrade the honeymoon room to a suite 
  3. Ask the hotel to provide complimentary breakfast for the next day
  4. Ask the hotel to waive projector and mic rental fees
  5. Ask the hotel to lower the F&B minimum (you will have a leverage if you're wedding is off-season like in the fall or winter and if it's on a weekday)
  6. Tell the hotel you'll book a certain number of rooms (this should give you some bargaining power)
  7. Ask the hotel to waive any cake cutting fees
  8. Ask the hotel to allow outside catering each hotel has different insurance liabilities, so some may not allow outside catering at all. But if you say you want to have ethnic food, they may allow it)
  9. Ask the hotel to provide complimentary self-serve parking 
  10. Ask the hotel provide coupons for breakfast for your guests who book a room
  11. Waive overtime charge for if and when your wedding goes over the allotted time
  12. Waive bartender service fees
How to bargain with other venues

I'm sure each venue will be different, but keep in mind that if your wedding is going to take place during the off-season months like January, February, March, November and December, you should have more bargaining power. Just sit down and list some of your main priorities. Do you want to party later? Do you want to have a lot of bartenders? Do you want to have a traditional cake but want to avoid cake cutting fees? And so on... from that list, you should just directly ask the venue to provide or waive their fees. 

One creative example is when I was considering to have a wedding at a winery. I wanted to make the reception really fun, so I asked the venue to provide complimentary wine stomping! This is just one idea, but I hope you catch my drift on how to be creative and don't be afraid to ask. 

My slogan: YOU NEVER KNOW UNLESS YOU ASK!!!