Yikes!!?! I bet when some people read that, they were thrown off by it. I know some people don't see the point of pre-martial counseling when there aren't any major issues in their relationship. Others rather wait to get married and then do marital counseling if any problems should arise.
Arguments for Premarital Counseling
If you just look around, there are plenty of divorced, separated and unhappy married folks. I'm not saying this is because they never took premarital counseling. But, my point is that everyone is bound to run into trouble in their marriage eventually. Premarital counseling is a great way to discuss very openly and transparently with your fiance all your expectations!
This sounds so dumb and simple, doesn't it? I'm sure a lot of you might skip over this part. But, really think about it! What are your expectations for your husband? Do you expect him to not go out as much? How do you expect to spend the holidays? At your family's house, or his family's house or both? Do you both want to have children? If so, when do you expect to get pregnant? Soon, well what is "soon"?
Obviously, it would be extremely difficult to discuss every possible expectation, but it's important to openly share what your most important expectations are. They could range from religious views, church or no church attendance, how to raise kids, what area of town you want to live in and so forth.
What about money expectations?? Ouch... that's a touchy one. What if you or your spouse wants to keep separate bank accounts? Will you be offended? Or, would you try to convince yourself that you'll just get over it? I mean c'mon people, let's get real here and open up about what's important to you. Why not?? This is the rest of your life we're talking about!
By openly talking about each other's expectations, you should be able to avoid some major surprises later on that might have made you run the other way to begin with! Small but important example, what if one spouse expects to live in another country after a few years to live closer to their family?
Arguments Against Premarital Counseling
Premarital counseling may serve some purpose, but overall, it's a waste of time. If a couple is already engaged, the two probably already know each other really well and trust each other. They should be able to talk about things on their own and deal with problems as they come up. Attending premarital counseling is like putting on a band-aid before any injuries have occurred. It's pretty pointless. Marital counseling can be important if problems arise. But, as for premarital counseling, there really is no major point.
Especially when planning for a wedding, a couple already has a lot of other things to pay for. Premarital counseling is another "it-would-be-nice" option, but is definitely not a necessity. Couples on a budget, can afford to pass on premarital counseling. There are plenty of other couples who have done just fine.
Facts
Honestly, I don't have any stats to cite at you, but I know that divorce is prevalent in many countries, not just the U.S. That's an undisputed fact.
I can't speak or think for you, but all I can advise you is that marriage is very serious. If you really have no desires to get a divorce. Have the mindset that "divorce is NOT an option." If you and your fiance can agree to have this perspective prior to the wedding day, it should make a huge difference.
Furthermore, I really believe in accountability. Be surrounded by family and friends who really care for you and your relationship. If you don't want to get divorced, tell your family and friends to make sure that doesn't happen. More often than not, there will be those "girlfriends" of family members who encourage you to leave whenever you share anything semi-bad about your guy. Be careful who you let influence you.
At the end of the day, it's your life, your marriage and possibly your divorce. I know, that's not very nice to say. But, it's true. So, of course you can skip out, save money and time and not see a premarital counselor. However, if you want to ensure that you and your fiance are on the same page and are headed the same direction, what does it hurt to go and speak with a counselor to discuss all your expectations?
WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS??? COMMENT BELOW.
WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS??? COMMENT BELOW.
